15 Reasons I Won't Miss Apartment Living #11

As a mother with four young children, I spend my day yelling cautions at the kids.  Things like: "Don't touch the stove!" or "The wild bunnies don't like to be chased!"  But the one thing that rings true around here is this: "Don't run out into the parking lot because people drive too fast and you'll get run over!"  Our parking lot is a big loop, and people will drive through here like it's the Indy 500.  If a kid, or even an adult was to step out from behind a vehicle, they could easily be run over at top speed.  I can't wait to live on a quiet little street near the edge of the world where we can go outside and not immediately fear for our lives.

Eleven days and counting...

15 Reasons I Won't Miss Apartment Living #12

At the conference I just went to, one of the speakers was talking about building up your strengths.  He said that, when asked what their biggest strength is, a majority of people will say they are "a people person."  I am here to tell you that I am not a people person.  I'm good at dealing with people in a retail setting, and can be in social situations, but I really dislike being around people all the time.  With that said, I am working on making more of an effort to build relationships. 

About three weeks ago, we got new neighbors downstairs.  Any time I go out and they are on their patio I make it a point to say hello.  And every time I do, they look at me like I'm crazy and ignore me.  Needless to say, I finally stopped.  I will not miss having rude neighbors who live ten feet from me.  In our house, if the neighbors don't want to say hello, I will be fine with it because we won't be sharing a dwelling.  I will go inside, sit in my theater, or my jacuzzi tub, or on my deck and think about them, back in their box, angry about still living in an apartment.

15 Reasons I Won't Miss Apartment Living #13

Do you know what I miss the most?  My books. Some people have a few books. Some even have several books.  I, however, have a library.  Before I had a brood, I was a bookstore manager, and I took FULL advantage of my employee discount.  The downside of this is that we haven't lived anywhere in the last four years that was big enough to actually display my books.  When we move into the new house, they will have been moved four times, but never unpacked.  Apartments seem to have just enough space for the people and the essentials, and if you have anything extra (clothes, for example), you're SOL, as my mom would say. 

Don't get me wrong.  We do have a storage area (a closet) on our deck.  It has just enough square footage to house my boxed-up library.  That's why, if you look around inside, you'll see stuff stacked, crammed, hidden in any tiny available space.  It probably wouldn't be an issue if we had enough cupboards.  Or counter space.  Or another closet.  A garage maybe?

In celebration of finally being able to loose the library in the new house, I'm buying new shelves.  Take that, apartment, and shove it in your tiny little storage closet!

15 Reasons I Won't Miss Apartment Living #14

Today I'd like to discuss with you the bane of my existence with four kids in the house. Of course I mean cheap carpeting. In every apartment I have ever lived in, there has been cheap carpet in a neutral color. Neutral translates to "everything you even think about dropping or spilling is going to leave an irremovable stain because this carpet is so light in color." I'm pretty sure this is how apartments make their money. After you've had the carpets cleaned, to no avail, they get to keep a large chunk of your security deposit.

When my oldest son was 2, we moved into a new, cozy, luxury apartment. I'm not exaggerating when I say it had white carpet. Not off-white. Not eggshell or tan. W.H.I.T.E. I don't know who's idea that was, but I hope they got fired because on the morning of the second day we lived there, my precious baby smashed an entire tube of shiny maroon lipstick into the carpet. Did I mention it was white? If he had been four inches to the right, it would have gone on the linoleum floor in the bathroom. But no. Cheap white carpet. It took almost an entire can of Spot Shot (which I love and fully endorse!), but the lipstick came out! That's right. All of the lipstick came out of the cheap white carpet. Sadly, the orange juice he spilled while I was cleaning up the lipstick did not... I was beaten by a cup of orange juice on day two.

What it comes down to now is that I know that no matter where we rent, they will be keeping part of my deposit for carpet damage. I suppose with four kids I will be lucky if they don't have to replace the entire 1300 square feet of carpet.

15 Reasons I Won't Miss Apartment Living: #15

As most of you know, we are buying a house. With only 15 days until our closing date, I thought I would let you in on just a few of the reasons I am sooo excited about moving. (Because moving sucks, and I normally don't like it.)

Reason number 15 is this: We live on the 2nd floor, so our apartment is always warm. In case you didn't know, heat rises. The weather here the last few weeks has been surprisingly pleasant, so I have been opening the sliding door to let the nice, fresh air in. (The bedroom windows are too low to open for fear my kids would fall out.) The open door provides wonderful relief from the stifling air until the downstairs neighbors either a) go out on their patio directly below my open door to barbecue, or b) go out on their patio directly below my open door to smoke. In either case, the smoke wafts directly up and gets sucked into my living room. It's at this point that I have to choose between dying from smoke inhalation, or dying from heat stroke. Up to now I've chosen heat stroke, but who knows what tomorrow may bring.

A Tweet, Some Cigarettes, and a LOT of High Heels!

I'm having trouble coming up with the words to tell you about the last two days. Looking back, it goes back even farther, so I guess I will start there. One day last week, Sheila Walsh and Mary Graham both tweeted about looking forward to their first stop on the 2010 Women of Faith tour in Billings, Montana. Now, who's ever heard of Billings, Montana?? Me. Because I live there. Last month I would have been excited because I planned on going. I had inadvertantly made two car payments in February and therefore didn't have one due until April, so I was going to use that extra money to buy my ticket for WoF. But then we found a house, and needed ernest money, and inspections, and all the rest that goes with buying a home, so I set the conference aside in my mind, and moved on to being excited about the house. But those tweets made me wish I could be there. Knowing I couldn't afford it, I tweeted back that I wanted to go, but didn't have the money. I also assured them that I would be praying for Sheila, Mary, and the 5000 women expected to attend. Within minutes, God showed me the hearts of two very giving women. I received a direct message, not only from Sheila Walsh, but another from Mary Graham asking if I would attend if they were to give me a ticket. I was overwhelmed at the thought that these ladies would make an offer to me, a complete stranger, just like that. So I took a minute to get myself in check and replied to both ladies that I would LOVE to go. Then they sweetened the deal by adding a second free ticket!

This deal excited me for roughly five seconds. That's how long it took for me to realize that I haven't formed any real friendships here. My family has disowned me. And now I had this amazing opportunity, but no one to share it with. I'm pretty sure this was God's first step in showing me the direction I need to start moving my life. I'm great on Twitter, or facebook, or MSN Messenger, but I am NOT a people person face-to-face. I long to be outgoing, but feel much more comfortable as a hermit. So, I did what I knew to do, and posted a new status on facebook. "I have an extra ticket to the Women of Faith event in Billings this weekend. Let me know if you'd like to join me." And then I waited. And waited. And with no response, I moved on to playing Mahjongg Dimensions to take my mind off the fact that I have no female friends.

Now, I'm a night owl. I tend to sleep between 2am and 7am. Aunt Ronda, however, isn't normally up as late, so it took me by surprise when she responded to my fb post in the wee hours of the morning. She said she had planned on going, but since she hasn't been working was afraid they couldn't afford it. When I assured her that the ticket was free and she could stay with us, she agreed to come. That's when God's plan started coming together for us. What I didn't know was that she had been in bed for a few hours when she suddenly woke up. She tried for over an hour to go back to sleep, but with no luck, she decided to check in on facebook. That's when she saw my staus update and responded. After talking to me that night, she went back to bed and immediately fell asleep.

You have to understand that God had plans to make serious strides in Ronda's confidence with this conference. The first challenge he put in front of her was driving the 229 miles from Butte to Billings. Ronda is terrified of driving alone, but God wanted her to be here, so he gave her the courage to get started and keep going, and and let her pass before sending white-out snowfall and extremely high winds in her wake. She arrived safely in Billings, and her self-esteem was boosted.

Friday morning, we made our way to the Metra, parked (a fair distance away), and headed in to pick up our tickets. The first snag was that no one had our tickets. One person had at least heard of me, and told the frazzled ticket lady to please give me "two good seats in a floor section." Boy, this lady did just that. When we found our seats, the were on the end of an aisle, on the floor, even with the Porch Pals chairs next to the stage! We were sitting six feet from the stage with a great view of all the ladies of Women of Faith! (You can bet I tweeted my little heart out through both days.) As we listened, we heard messages of trust, building up our individual gifts, love, loss, pain, hope, desperation, and God's countless blessings. It was an emotional rollercoaster, but we were more than happy for the ride.

This is how close we were to the ladies as we rocked out to Nicole C. Mullen!

This same day, Ronda was waiting to hear about a job she interviewed for, but halfway through the day, she leaned over and whispered to me, "I'm not going to get the job because God wants me to step out of my comfort zone and make real connections with people. In my home. I don't do that." She could feel through these messages that God was telling her He had bigger plans for her life than the job she wanted.

Saturday started out much the same. We stood in line for 30 minutes to get coffee, squealed over our wonderful seats, readied the tissues (cause it was a serious cryfest. Next year they should just call it CryFest 2011.), and opened ourselves to the wonders of God. It was during her first smoke break of the day that God whispered to Ronda that if she would give up smoking, she could afford to sponsor a World Vision child. He then led her to the table where the older kids, the ones about to be too old for sponsorship, were located, placed a picture in her hand that resembled a little boy she knew in real life, and said, "This is the life you will save by saving your own life." Without hesitation, she filled out the card and never looked back.

During the lunch break, I was sure she had lost it when she stood up quickly and needed to get past me. "I need to take my cigarettes to the World Vision table. I was going to finish the pack, but I can't. I need to start now." But God is funny. We never made it to the table. In fact, we only made it about four feet from our seats when God placed a World Vision worker directly in Ronda's path. She pulled out her pack and handed them to the startled worker while quickly explaining the significance to her. I'm not dramaticising at all when I tell you that tears welled up in that woman's eyes as she hugged Ronda and thanked her for being such a faithful servant.

Sheila Walsh was kind enough to have a picture with me!

While I was so proud of Ronda and all God was doing in her, I also felt a little disappointed. I really thought that the way the story went down meant that I was meant to be there so God could do something huge for me. I will admit it. My thoughts were selfish because when it comes to many facets of my life, I'm lost. I feel helpless, hopeless, and stunted. I didn't realize until Saturday's last session was almost over that God was working in me as well. But God knows me, and He knows that I would not have responded well if He'd acted in me as He did in Ronda. My tweaking was more subtle. It was in learning that I didn't have to keep trying to fix myself because God didn't accidentally make me who I am. In finding out I have gifts, but I need to nurture them instead of trying to grow new gifts that will benefit all the world. In the smiles, kindness, and hugs I received in person from Sheila Walsh and Mary Graham who were genuinely pleased that I could attend. God showed me the little cracks in my heart that I've tried over and again to cover with steel, that they are still there, and only He can fill them.

In short (ha!), our two days with the Women of Faith were miraculous, heartbreaking, healing, surreal (Did Sheila just say my name on stage? Yep. She sure did!), and potentially the most eye opening time of our lives, delivered on high heeled shoes and sparkled up by disco balls while surrounded by 5000 women in this little, unheard of town I call home.

These were the lights and disco balls over the WoF stage.

Baby Love Part 4

I'm sure the title has confused you because nowhere on my blog can you find parts 1-3. Let me clear this up: they don't exist...yet. I'm starting with part 4 because my baby, my C4, is turning 2 today. I've decided it is time to write out her story.

I will admit that out three older kids were either total surprises, or very loosely planned pregnancies. This is not the case with Miss Caroline. In October of 2007, my husband and I decided we would try for one more baby. We wanted to be done with the giving birth to new babies part of our lives before we turned 30, and time was passing quickly. So, I set up an appointment with my midwife, had my IUC removed, and off we went... ;0)

This pregnancy didn't happen as quickly as our others, and two days before Christmas that year, our family was split up by life. PJ moved the kids and I back to Boise, but he still had to stay behind in Wyoming for almost two months to finish working. I don't know if you know this, but it's hard to get pregnant when separated by 700 miles.

When PJ finally arrived in Boise shortly after Valentine's Day, um, let's just say we put our plan into motion. On March 29th, we got our first positive test. Yea! Since our older kids had been born prematurely, I called right away to get an appointment with my midwife, but it wasn't set until my eighth week of pregnancy. Until then, I was hyper-sensitive to smells, nauseated, miserable. These were symptoms I hadn't experienced with my previous pregnancies.

Not long before our first visit to the midwife, PJ and I were talking, planning, deciding our baby's future when PJ realized he had just assumed all along it was twins. I panicked, of course, and called Katie. After all, she had twins. I knew she could tell me all about it. That phone call only confirmed that my severe symptoms could indeed be a sign of carrying twins...

The first visit went well, and I filled Georgianna (the midwife) in on PJ's suspicions, my crazy symptoms, and asked if there was any chance at a quick ultrasound. She figured we should know what we were getting into right away, and took us into the little ultrasound room. I will never forget the look on her face, the way she didn't turn the monitor toward me, the way she excused herself and came back with a doctor. After taking a look, they both left, and when she came back in, she described what looked like the beginning development of twins, but growth had stopped. She told us by the looks of it, she believed it may be a partial molar pregnancy. In other words, the babies weren't developing, and I would miscarry. I left her office in a state of shock. We had gone in with such joy, and came out devastated.

As it turned out, after six weeks of blood tests to make sure my hormone levels were dropping as I miscarried, Molar Pregnancy was ruled out. No one was sure what happened. As requested, we waited a few months for things to settle, regain some normalcy, and decided to try it one more time. Oddly, I felt a sense of peace through this whole time. I hurt. I cried. I wanted to lie down and give up. But underneath it all, I felt hope. It was like God was telling me our timing was bad, but He would make things right for us.

Once again, within a few months, we were pregnant. This time I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't want to get my hopes up. I went in with low expectations and expected the worst because I couldn't handle my heart being broken again so quickly. Again we set up our first appointment, and waited out the eight weeks. We didn't tell the kids. We just tried to keep to our daily lives as normal as possible.

That first visit went much more smoothly than the last. Georgianna did an ultrasound again, and this time our funny little gummy bear was dancing, and we could see the heart beating. It was overwhelming to say the least.

The next several months passed and all seemed to be going well. Since I had a habit of going into early labor, she did my glucose tolerance test a few week early, and lucky me, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I took a class, met with a nutritionist, changed my entire diet...

It only lasted a couple of weeks, because at exactly 34 weeks, I went into labor. I didn't realize it because I didn't have contractions like with the other kids. The only reason I even wondered was because I had started bleeding lightly. In the wee hours of the morning, PJ and I went over the hill to the hospital where I was checked, admitted, and was too far gone already to stop labor.

My first three children had been delivered completely unmedicated, and this time I decided to try a little something. Since they had already put an IV in, my midwife suggested Stadol. (I don't recommend it. It did nothing to ease the pain, and really made me feel loopy and disconnected.) Just as my contractions were getting more intense, a nurse came into my room and told my midwife that the woman across the hall was about to deliver, and her doctor hadn't arrived yet. Georgianna ran over, and that's when I had the sudden need to push. The nurse panicked because Georgianna was delivering the other baby, and she kept telling me not to push. (If you've never had a baby before, please understand that when you need to push, your body does it on its own. There really isn't a way to not push at that point.)

Georgianna just made it back in time for the last couple of pushes, and than little Caroline Grace made her entrance into the world. At six weeks early, she weighed 6lbs, 7oz and was 19 inches long. Because she was a preemie, we had a whole NICU team standing by and they gave her a good once over. She was breathing on her own and doing fine, so they let my husband carry her up to the NICU.


The next two weeks were spent going back and forth over the hill to the hospital and then home. With feedings every three hours, and three kids at home who wanted attention, life was exhausting. It was RSV season, so the kids weren't even allowed into the hospital to see our new bundle. They had to just see the pictures we took on our visits. Finally, on her two week birthday, Caroline came home.


A lot has happened since then, but she is still our baby, our tiny princess. Today she turns two, and I can't help but look back and remember those miserable first months when all she did was cry, and when she met her grandparents for the first time because that was the first time she laughed, and her first steps, her first birthday, and so many other milestones. But at the same time, I'm looking ahead. I can't wait to hear her say, "I love you." She will learn to ride a bike, and jump rope, and sing her ABC's, but she will always be my baby.