I had already had an ultrasound. My midwife had already told me I would miscarry. I already knew my babies (2 of them) hadn't developed and would never breathe, smile, or grab my finger. Still, there was a nagging voice in my head telling me to buy the two pieces of fleece in sweet baby prints. So I did.
All this time I thought God was up to something in my life. It always takes me by surprise when I realize that it's not all about me.
Last night while looking through my fabric stash for a cute piece to make a baby blanket, that same voice kept saying, "Not that one. Keep looking". Over and over again. Just as I thought I was out of choices, I came to those two pieces of fleece, hidden away in the bottom of the box. "Yes. Those ones. It's time to use them."
I immediately burst into tears (because I'm an emotional wreck anyway) and formed my argument on the tip of my tongue. But God always wins. He said, "She needs to feel loved more than you need to hide away these pieces of fabric."
I know this all sounds silly, but I always thought God telling me to buy it anyway was His way of telling me I would need it someday. For me. For my babies. I had no idea He meant it for someone I hadn't even met. But again, God always wins.
I haven't cut into it yet, but I will. And I will wash it before I send it off. It's not fair to blanket someone else in my tears.