Sweet, sweet victory

After Tuesday's less than fulfilling run, I was a little nervous.  I took yesterday off because, frankly, my calves were killing me.  I'm pretty sure I could not have run if I'd wanted to.  But today... Oh, friends.  Today was different.  Today started out with a caffeine withdrawal headache, mama drama, and tears.  And so I decided to take my frustration running.

I don't know about you, but I find it hard to take the time for Bible reading and praying throughout the day.  My favorite time spent with God is while I'm running.  That's right.  With bad techno blasting in my ears, and slushy snow all around, that's when I find it easiest to be thankful for the strength, the endurance, and the determination to run.  I thank God for my ridiculously sweet husband who stays with the kids with no complaints, and encourages me to get out there.  I thank Him for carrying me along, for pushing me uphill into the wind, for giving me a hill to run down in the middle.  It's very relaxing for me to have the time to reflect on life, and to see how blessed I really am.

Today, fueled by general frustration and my annoyance at not making it all the way Tuesday, I ran like never before.  I ran farther (2.27 miles).  I ran faster (though not "fast").  I was victorious!  And it felt so sweet.  I'm back on track, and I feel good.  I'm not going to let one little glitch hold me back.  And with that, Week 9 Day 2 is a success.

God's Blanket

I had already had an ultrasound. My midwife had already told me I would miscarry. I already knew my babies (2 of them) hadn't developed and would never breathe, smile, or grab my finger. Still, there was a nagging voice in my head telling me to buy the two pieces of fleece in sweet baby prints. So I did.

All this time I thought God was up to something in my life. It always takes me by surprise when I realize that it's not all about me.

Last night while looking through my fabric stash for a cute piece to make a baby blanket, that same voice kept saying, "Not that one. Keep looking". Over and over again. Just as I thought I was out of choices, I came to those two pieces of fleece, hidden away in the bottom of the box. "Yes. Those ones. It's time to use them."

I immediately burst into tears (because I'm an emotional wreck anyway) and formed my argument on the tip of my tongue. But God always wins. He said, "She needs to feel loved more than you need to hide away these pieces of fabric."

I know this all sounds silly, but I always thought God telling me to buy it anyway was His way of telling me I would need it someday. For me. For my babies. I had no idea He meant it for someone I hadn't even met. But again, God always wins.

I haven't cut into it yet, but I will. And I will wash it before I send it off. It's not fair to blanket someone else in my tears.

I'd like to lodge a complaint...

I realized today, after an extremely emotionally exhausting Monday, that I complain some.  Okay, okay.  I complain a lot.  About big things.  About small things.  About most things.  I complain about people who complain.  And about people who don't.  And about their dogs.  I spend my day listing all the bad things in my life (or your life, or his life) and a lot of times I completely miss the good things.  The blessings.  The love.  Instead of smiling when one of my kids wants to sit on my lap, I get annoyed because the other three don't.  Instead of being thankful for my husband's job that provides enough that I can stay home, I let myself feel overwhelmed by my "duties" as a homemaker.  I'm getting a little tired of feeling like crap all. the. time.  And I hate that it's me making me feel that way.

In the hopes of salvaging the rest of this week, I'm going to give you a list of just a few things that I really am thankful for.  The things and people who make me smile on a daily basis.  The things I want to focus on from here on out.

• My family.  The real family I have chosen for myself, from my husband on down to the friends I haven't met, but still love like family.  The people who love me, accept me, and support me, even when I complain.  You know who you are, so I won't name names.
• My home.  It may be a mess, but it's safe and warm and big enough for my family.
• My kids.  These guys deserve their own category.  I can't imagine my life without the little munchkins all up in my face all day.  It just wouldn't be right.
• My new house.  It's a new adventure, just waiting for us to climb aboard!
• My God.  Today is proof that I need the grace He offers, and don't deserve a thing.  How can I only see bad when His plan is so good?

Most of all, tonight I am thankful that I will have tomorrow to try this all again.  I can make better decisions.  I will use softer words.  My smile will appear more often than my frown.  And if I don't, feel free to complain.  :)